Greetings, class. You come here with your funny bones full of mush! But you will leave here... a comedy writer. Then you're on your own, and don't think just because you know everything and you're amazingly talented you'll be out there setting the sticom world on fire, because it just don't happen like that anymore. Well, at least not to me. But still we perservere. We continue to write our jokes, our gags, our bits, we go to Nate N Al's with our friends from the "Gimme A Break" days and we bitch and moan. Because we are comedy writers! And after enrolling in my totally free Blog-Course you can call yourself a comedy writer too. But if you stand between me and a freelance assignment on "Hannah Montana", look out -- I will kick your balls in. Because that is what we do, too.
With that being established -- let the lessons begin.
LESSON #1: POP CULTURE REFERENCES, OR "BYE BYE BARDOT"
The first thing you need to know about the art of sitcom writing is this: REFERENCES. There's nothing wrong with your computer TV -- I put it in all capitals for a reason. And the reason is this: REFERENCES to popular culture are the sitcom writer's bread and butter. Need a great joke to start a scene? Throw in a Bill Clinton joke. Need a great blow to a scene? CALL BACK the Bill Clinton joke. See how easy it is? BUT... and this is a big but. Your references have to be fresh and new, like the Clinton thing, or else you're deader than Dagmar, baby.
But Professor Hecuba, how do I know what references are still fresh? What, do you want me to do everything for you? Am I your slave? Jesus! KIDDING! Just print out and keep this handy Reference Reference and you're good to go.
OLD REFERENCE FOR BABE WITH GREAT BODY: Brigitte Bardot
NEW REFERENCE FOR BABE WITH GREAT BODY: Scarlet Johannson
OLD JOKE FOR YOUR STAR TO MAKE WHEN HIS MOTHER IN LAW VISITS: "Here she comes -- Excedrin Headache Number 32!"
NEW JOKE FOR YOUR STAR TO MAKE WHEN HIS MOTHER IN LAW VISITS: "Here she comes -- Abu Musab Al Zarqawi in a dress!"
OLD WAY FOR THE GAY GUY TO NERVOUSLY BACK OUT OF THE ROOM: "I just remembered, I left my Jacuzzi on Fast-Forward."
NEW WAY FOR THE GAY GUY TO NERVOUSLY BACK OUT OF THE ROOM: " I just remembered, I left my Palm Pilot in the Hot Sink."
OLD FUNNY EUPHEMISM FOR PENIS: "Sansabelt Buddy"
NEW FUNNY EUPHEMISM FOR PENIS: "Wang" (Network) "Cock" (Cable)
That should be enough to get you started. For homework, take a lined sheet of composition paper. On one side, make a list of people, situations and attiitudes the characters in your sitcom script might find themselves in. On the other side, make a list of things in movies, commercials, sports and the news that are funny-sounding. Now match the funny sounding current reference with the thing from your show. Whatever sounds funny is a winner... and so will be you.
2 comments:
How about this oh great professor:
When a husband is talking about his marriage's sex life:
"It's deader than Anna Nicole Smith."
Or, if he thinks he's gonna lose a lot of money on the stock market.
"Man, I'm gonna be buried before Anna Nicole Smith and James Brown."
Or, when a guy shows up real late for a date with wife, she could say, "What did you take Jet Blue?
By the way, I think that's Jessica Biel not Scarlett Johansson oh great one.
You have good comedy ideas, my friend and the rhythm of your gags is right, but, as far as your first two pitches go (Anna Nicole/James Brown), if have two words for you...
TOO SOON!
Those deaths are about a month or two away from being safely funny. My advice, save those jokes up and use them come April, May. Remember: "Comedy is Tragedy... plus time."
But the Jet Blue gag is great stuff. I just might steal it. KIDDING! Actually, I thought of that one myself, so if you see it on my upcoming episode of "Suite Life of Zach and Cody" you have no reason to sue.
And I stand corrected on Jessica Biel. My researcher made an error and has been terminated.
Keep being funny!
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