A "CLAM" is a comedy writer's term for a joke or form of joke that is old hat, overused, played out. It's the worst sin a comedy writer can commit -- to put a clam in your script. (That's why I rate my reviews in CLAMS -- Five Clams being the worst (FAMILY GOY) and Zero Clams being the best (STUDIO 60). And the cockamamie thing is that the ground is always changing. A joke can be fresh one moment and a clam the next, such is comedy.
For instance, when I came up with it back in 19-never-you-mind-how-long-ago, "Too much information" was the hottest gag to hit the sitcom world since Lucy met Ricky.
When it was uttered by the late great Nell Carter on an episode of "Gimme A Break" I penned, it detonated in that studio like an Atomic freakin' bomb! They had to stop tape, the laugh went on for so long. It made Sammy Davis kissing Archie Bunker look like "Death Of A Salesman" was how new and fresh that was. Now, 20 or so years later, having a character respond to another by saying "Too much information" is hopelessly old hat. It is a CLAM. Do not use it. And certainly don't use it four times in one script. I learned that when I submitted my spec "According to Jim" to my agent's hot-shit young coffee-getting monkey who now for some reason says he's my agent. Here's another CLAM for you: "Don't call us, we'll call you." Sadly, that CLAM is still being used. Godddamn them all to Hell!!!
That last part I didn't want to be on this thing, but I can't figure out how to make my son's computer erase it, so there you have it. Look for more Glossary items in the future, though I don't know how many more, because once I start work on "Studio 60" I won't have time for this nonsense.
4 comments:
I think I once saw the "too much information" used on a Small Wonder episode. And I have to say I laughed.
Also, I must admit I never saw once "Gimme a Break" episode. I'm more of a "That's My Momma" guy.
"That's My Momma", don't get me started on that piece of Shine-ola. But "Small Wonder" -- best work experience of my life. Working with the consummate pro, Doug McLure. And the little girl... what's her name... a comedy genius. YOU try to act like a nine-year-old girl robot and get laughs! And on top of that the studio was five minutes from my house and we were always home by dinner time. That's what putting the first idea in your head into the script will get you.
McLure rocked. What a talent.
Hey, to bring back some memories, check out this site.
http://members.surfbest.net/smallwonder@surfbest.net/Photos/Photos.html
Oops, my bad, as you kids say! The character of VICI the robot's dad was played by the marvelous Dick Christie, not the legendary Doug McClure. Doug played the dad on "Out Of This World". which I also worked on. Tell the truth I was so bombed out of my brain on rum and COKE (Sniff sniff kind) that I ofter forgot which show I was doing. To me, it was robot kid this, alien kid that, get my check, hit Chadney's on Olive and destroy my memory hole. That was a dark time for Hecuba... but great comedy came out of it. Forgive my faux pas.
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