HAROLD'S COMEDY GLOSSARY #2: "LAYING PIPE"



Now don't start thinking dirty, because Hecuba never works blue. "Laying Pipe" is a comedy writer's term for the process of setting the scene -- providing needed but often boring exposition for a scene or episode. It's called laying pipe, because, like all manual labor, it's difficult and thankless and should only be done by Mexican day workers (that last part is a joke, so save your angry e-letters!). As thankless and anti-comedy as it is, it is also an essential task. How else can you do a joke about a character's fat mother unless the audience knows that the mother is fat before the punchline? You tell me that, smart ass from out there who thinks he could do my job better than me!

Anyway, there is a craft to laying pipe in the most elegant, inconspicuous way possible. Let Professor Hecuba teach you by way of a "word problem."



You have been given the privelege of writing an episode of "Lotsa Luck" starring the great Dom DeLuise. Now, in this scene, Dom, in the character of Stanley Belmont, needs to make a Christmas-related joke to his mooching brother-in-law Arthur (played by that prick Wynn Irwin) and the joke hinges on the fact that he is Stanley's brother in law. The joke won't work without the audience knowing this fact and it's still early in the run of the show so you can't count on the viewers to know their relationship. Which of these lines do you write for Dom/Stanley?

a) "Arthur, remind me again why you're my brother-in-law."

b) "I can't believe you're my brother-in-law on Christmas Eve."

OR

c) "As you know, you are my brother-in-law, and as you also know, it's Christmas Eve."

The answer: NONE of them! It's too hard to lay this pipe, it can't be done. You cut the joke and give Dom some business where he accidentally drinks the water out of the Christmas tree stand. That's what a professional does.

Thus endeth the lesson.

HAROLD'S MINI REVIEW #2: "STUDIO 60 ON THE SUNSET STRIP" or... "The BEST Wing".



This is a show, people. Quite frankly, it's got it all and then some. Drama, laughs, dramatic laughs, funny drama. It's a work of genius. A genius named Aaron Sorkin. Now he's taken a lot of guff from some other so-called comedy writers for his take on the profession in the show within the show. Well that's just bull! Based on my experience, this show is right on the money. Not all comedy writers are sloppy thieving hacks -- but MOST of 'em are. Sorkin is just telling it like it is. I've worked with hundreds of writers over my years in this business, and, yes, they are prone to slobbering over Chinese food like a bunch of pinhead morons. And, yes, they all steal jokes, stories, and entire scripts ALL THE TIME. Don't believe me? Examine the evidence: THE FLINTSONES. Merely a rip-off of The Honeymooners. THE JETSONS. A rip-off of The Flinstones. THE OFFICE? Merely a rip-off of COLUCCI'S DEPARTMENT (look that up on your You Tube if you don't believe me. What's that? It's not on You Tube? How convenient.)

Studio 60 tells it like it is, or at least how I remember it was, since nobody in the business seems fit to return my calls or read my material these days. Except.... Aaron Sorkin. HIs dad was in the Marines with me so he's put in a good word for old Hec.



To wit, Aaron is now reading yours truly's spec "Lou Grant"... the granddaddy of the whole dramedy genre. My fingers are crossed (but not for much longer once my arthritis prescription runs out) and I hope to be back in the game soon.

HAROLD'S VERDICT: ZERO CLAMS OUT OF FIVE CLAMS. To quote the kids.... this show is da bomb's pajamas!
Studio 60 is genius and I can't wait to put words in that brilliant mouth of Mr. Bradley Whitford. Well, I'm off to lunch at Nate N' Al's with my old buddies from the "Chico" days. And this time I'M buying!